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Ok, where do I start? Let’s see…I guess the beginning is always good. I am a 36 year old African-American woman. I have now been married 4 ½ years to the man of my dreams…or so I thought. We lived a very blessed life, we both have God in our lives and faith in our spirits…but everything came to a drastic halt in July of 2005.
Let’s start with the day that my life changed…it was a day in July of 2005. Just a week before, we had returned from our vacation in Las Vegas, one of our favorite places. My husband was a bit distracted, but nothing out of the ordinary. I can’t remember the exact day, and to be honest…I’m glad…I don’t want to remember. What I do remember is coming home from work, and finding my husband asleep in the recliner. The phone rings, I answer…on the other end of the phone is a male voice, he says “Hello, is this (my husband’s Name) Wife?” I say “yes”…he says, “well I need to speak with you about my Wife and your Husband”….at this time, I’m feverishly trying to figure out which friend is this of ours playing on the phone….and then he says “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH YOUR HUSBAND’S CHILD”….my life and existence ceased at that moment….I yelled out loud, very loud, “WHO THE HELL IS THIS?” That woke my husband up…he’s staring at me, and I inform him that someone is playing on the phone saying that HE impregnated his wife. He snatches the phone, and says over and over, “hello, hello”…there is nothing…the man hung up. So I sit there, waiting, and looking at him…I can tell that this is no joke, I’m waiting, waiting for him to explain this craziness to me…and this is what he says….”I slept with a co-worker, and now she says she’s pregnant”….I froze…I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe, I actually blanked out…when I came to…I was throwing straight punches at his face, and landing them…. He was steadily trying to hug me…was he serious? The last thing I wanted was his filthy hands on me….I then began the windmill. I hit his face, chest, and arms, anything that I could find on his body, I took a shot at. I asked him how he could do this to us. How could he sit in church and proclaim to be a Christian and sleep with a ho? HOW? I called my best friend and told her through tears and deep breaths to come and get me immediately…. I know I scared the hell out of her. I then went upstairs and started packing…tears just flowed, I couldn’t stop them…just the thought of him sickened me…I hated him and everything about him. I grab my bag and head out the door. I decided to wait for my girlfriend out there. I couldn’t stand to be in my husband's presence…then I thought “I need the guys number that called me so that I can get to the bottom of this”…I run back in the house and go to the caller id…my husband must have beaten there, because it was gone…it didn’t matter though….he said it himself…no need to get more information. My girlfriend shows up, and I tell her what happened…then I call my husband’s mother…I told her…she is crushed and starts crying on the phone. I told her that it’s over. I don’t want her son. I hate him and everything he represents. We go to my best friends house, and I really don’t want to talk to her about it anymore…my head hurts, I feel nauseous…I’m just unhappy; I wish for death, it had to be better. I call my supervisor and tell him that I won’t be back to work for the rest of the week. I then go online to see if I could catch a flight to Vegas or a cruise or even Atlantic City. I just wanted to be away, I wanted the pain to stop. My cell phone is ringing constantly, it’s my husband, and I don’t even consider answering it. This went on for about 4 days…then I decided to call him. I was calmer. I asked him to tell me everything. He said that he met the other woman at work and they would flirt with each other all the time. During an employee function, they got drunk and started kissing in the parking lot. Next thing, they decided to go to a hotel, and the rest is history. I sat there and listened…and started crying again, but this time, I didn’t want him to see me sweat. I told him that if that whore was pregnant that I wanted a divorce, PERIOD. I told him that I would be home the following day, and that I really had nothing to say to him. When I got home the next day, there was a 5 page letter on the dining room table from my H. I went to the liquor store and bought me a pint of brandy…I don’t normally drink, but I needed one that day. I read the letter between sips, and the letter told me how sorry he was and how much he loved me, and he had thought of killing himself, and how he couldn’t live without me…and everything else you would think he would say. The liquor made the letter funny to me…I actually cracked a smile. I think it was because I knew that he was hurting, and I found contentment in that. So, I finished off the pint and called my girlfriend whose H had an affair. I told her what happened and she said for me to meet her for dinner tonight. I told her that I needed to go to sleep because I was a bit woozy from drinking but it was a date. I slept for about 2 hours, woke up and was still woozy, so I decided to just drive to the subway (not a good thing to do) and go from there. I met her at Ruby Tuesday, she gave me a big hug, and we sat to eat…and she proceeded to tell me EVERY single emotion I was feeling…I couldn’t explain it, but she could. Then she asked me something that I had never thought about, she asked if I still loved my H. The last thing I wanted to do was profess my love for that scum bucket, but the honest response was YES. She then said for me to fight for my marriage. I won’t go into everything we discussed but it was what I needed to hear and it made me feel like I wasn’t totally alone. I wasn’t the only woman on the face of the earth who was completely fooled by her man. She dropped me off home and he was he was sitting in the den watching television. When I came in he said hello, and I said nothing…I didn’t have anything to say. Then he turned off the TV and knelt in front of me and cried…like a baby…and I cried too. He begged me to forgive him, and before I could think, I told him I would but under certain circumstances…first, I wanted the bitches telephone number (I’m sorry to cuss, but that’s what I said), secondly we had to go to counseling, and thirdly, I wanted to know what he intended to do if the ho was pregnant? He said that he could not be in the child’s life and be in a marriage at the same time. HE said that he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. I told him that the child would never be welcomed in my home. In my opinion the child was a bastard (please remember that this was a little less than a week from D-Day). So he gave me the ho’s number and I called her. When she answered, I almost hung up…but I said “Is this Catrice (that’s the ho’s name)…she said “who is this?”…I said “this is (my husband's name) wife”…I could tell I caught the ho off guard. She said “yes”…I told her that my H told me about the affair and that she was pregnant, I asked her what her plans were? Now to be honest I thought she would say that she wasn’t pregnant or that she would have an abortion…she says “well he went after me, it was a mistake and it shouldn’t have happened. I expect him to be a father to OUR child, and I want him to be in the child’s life.” Was this ho serious? I said, “Well we will not have anything to do with you or YOUR child. Why would she bring a child into this mess” She says “it’s against her morals to abort.” I said, “where in the hell were those morals when you were spread eagle on the bed or on all fours?…whichever way it happened. We will do what is legally expected and wish you all the best. Don’t ever speak with my husband again, and I wish you nothing but the best”…she says, “Fine, I’ll take care of my baby by myself”…I said “good, then we understand each other, bye.” So 10 minutes later my phone rings…and it’s the ho’s husband...my husband answers, because now I’m at a high state of pisstivity. I go upstairs and grab the other phone so that I can hear. I thought it was the ho calling. Her husband says that he can’t believe that my husband won’t be there for the child. That he needed to be a man and take care of his responsibility. Then the ho chimes in (she is on another receiver), “I can’t believe that you won’t have anything to do with your child…the baby is innocent…she should know her father”…then I chime in…”we will have nothing to do with you or that child. This was a huge mistake and we don’t want any part of it.” Her husband then says that we could all be a big happy family and that we can all get along for the child’s sake…I told him then that I thought he was crazy as hell if he thought for one second that I would include any of them in my existence, especially the child. This went on for about 5 minutes along with the ho telling me about a valentine’s day card and lunch, which I pocketed in my mind but wasn’t willing to take the bait at the moment….believe me, Me and my husband DISCUSSED them at length after the call. Then the husband says, well there are things that will need to be taken care of legally as far as support. My husband and I agreed. He then said that if my husband was interested in how his wife was doing during the pregnancy that he would be the go between…I said “We could care less how she’s doing, however, if we need to speak with anyone, we’ll call you. I don’t want her or my husband contacting each other under ANY circumstances. You will be the ombudsman…is that clear and understood by all parties?...I heard yes from my husband and her husband, but the ho never said a word. So my husband and I went to counseling and were doing pretty good. Infact we were doing wonderfully. During this time, I found marriagebuilders.com and the otherchild.com. I met wonderful people like Eibrabe and Carolyn…which was a Godsend…I really thought I was the only one. The ho sent my husband a text message about 4 months later telling him the sex of the child…that stung a little, but we kept going to counseling and I stayed on the boards…they were getting me through. Every day was a struggle. I couldn’t concentrate on anything…especially work. But somehow our relationship was growing and growing. We started researching information about what we would need to do concerning the OC, and the whole stitch. Then in December my husband received about 14 or so text-messages from the ho saying that she gave birth. I called the ho to tell her that her husband was to communicate to us…she basically said she didn’t give a dang. She was in the hospital and wanted my his social security number. I knew the ho was smoking some ooooooooowwwwwweeeeeewwwwwweeeeee for sure if she thought we would give her a social security number over the phone. I still tried to be calm, and told her that we weren’t giving her anything…she would have to go through the channels to get anything from us. I would be willing to give up an address, that’s it. She hung up on me…it took every ounce of Christianity not to go to that hospital and whoop her a$$. Her husband called later and we told him that we had an attorney and that everything needed to go through him. We didn’t hear from them again until about February when we received the letter from the Child support office…and it gave the date for the DNA tests, etc. Of course, the date would be a day that I would be away on business. I was crushed, but there was nothing I could do. Plus, my husband told me that he didn’t want this to interfere in our lives any further than it had. He went for the DNA, and I asked him how he felt about seeing the baby. He said that he didn’t feel any bond or anything, but that he may want to look into some form of contact later on in the child’s life. I wasn’t as upset as before, and after speaking with some wonderful ladies, both OWs and BSs…I could see that being a possibility. So about 1½ months later, we come home from church. My husband grabs an envelope and hands it to me. It’s the DNA test results…I brace myself. I notice that it hasn’t been opened. He says that he wants us to do it together. He got the letter on Saturday, and just didn’t want to deal with it and didn’t want to ruin my day. So we sit, and he opens the letter and starts reading…I stare at him…I’m waiting…then all of sudden, he drops to his knees and cries…I run over to him and hug him and tell him that we will get through this…we will make it, TOGETHER…then he says “THANK GOD”…and continues to cry. I grab the letter and read it…it says that he was EXCLUDED as the child’s father. Yes, it meant that we had gone through a year of hell for nothing…or was it nothing? My husband and I are closer than we have ever been. We are now planning our own family. The affair, while painful, brought us together and let us both know that our marriage was strong, and that anything was possible with love and God in our lives. We were lucky that the child was not my husband’s, but even if it was, we would have endured, and that’s the lesson here. Endure and love each other. Don’t let anything or anyone come between what you have with your spouse, the person that you love and care for. We all make mistakes, my husband, definitely, and me too, but as long as we stick together, there is nothing that separates us. God is good all the time. Believe it…I did, and I still do. |
